i think it will be okay

On Tuesday, I stubbed my toe. I was in so much pain, I just cried like a little kid on the floor for a few minutes. I then washed off the toe and put a band-aid on it, because isn't that what makes pain go away? And I didn't look at it. I was afraid the toenail would come off if I touched it. I didn't want to deal with it, so I didn't. And that about sums up how I handle life. Painful, hard things happen. I cry for a minute. Then I ignore it. That's just how I deal. To me, it's the only way.

Then, slowly, I start to make sense of what has happened. I inspected my toe a bit more yesterday, putting neosporin on it. Working around the thing that happened. And then tonight I finally soaked the toe, properly. Cut down the toenail as much as I dared (which seems to have helped). Basically, I did what I probably should have done on Tuesday. But sometimes, these things are just too much and it's easier to deal with it in increments. In a nutshell, I think the toe will be okay. Even if I lose the toenail, I think it won't be as bad as I first imagined.

The funny thing about this whole toe episode is that it was basically the straw that broke the camel's back. The event in and of itself wasn't terribly bad. But after a culmination of 4 very, very, very long and hard months, I kind of felt like not a whole lot more could go wrong. Kind of a Job moment for me, truthfully. I hadn't lost everything...obviously...I still had my family and some friends. But in truth I had lost a lot. Didn't have a whole lot going for me that anyone would care to hear about.

Then on Wednesday, I finally got a job! Very strange how the universe works... I will be working in Park City, same place I was doing my internship. I will be the Curator of Education (which is kind of a funny title to me...but I won't complain) and will be in charge of the educational programming at the museum and volunteers. I am excited. A little nervous. But really grateful that I think things will be okay. My toe...and my career. It may even be a bit of a new start for a new life, really. Because who I was when I lived in Utah before is not the person I am today. Lots has changed. A lot will continue to change. And I think I am finally ready to accept that.